As advisors, it’s crucial to recognize that navigating finances as a couple can be sensitive. Money discussions often evoke feelings of comparison and envy, leading many to avoid the topic altogether. However, it doesn’t have to be this way.
It’s important to inform clients that they can’t fall in love with money and expect it to love them back. It won’t. Yet, couples still face challenges often rooted in differing money values inherited from their upbringing.
In my household, we are very transparent with our children about our financial situation, the decisions we will be making today and, in the future, what they can count on and where they must fend for themselves. We strike a balance between compassion and empathy. Ultimately, our decision as a couple is to move forward with decisions that matter most to us.
As an advisor, you should encourage couples to have these types of money conversations at critical junctures in their life. They may occur when the couple moves in together, decides to have a family, makes career choices, debates spending versus saving, and even discusses where and how they enjoy their retirement. The point is that regular “money meetings” are essential for couples to prepare for any significant expenditures and life decisions they may have. It is not a one-and-done conversation. Life is full of changes, and Plan A can quickly turn to Plan B, and your clients must pivot accordingly.
I was intrigued by a couple I met at a recent HomeEquity Bank reception. They told me that despite little money early on in life, they didn’t focus on scarcity. Instead, they focused on abundance and celebrated the little milestones, not wanting to miss out on life and waiting for the significant events. I found this perspective so profound.
I decided to probe further to determine how they had reached this point. It all came down to one word: options.
This couple reached out for help, asked many questions, and listened objectively. They trusted their advisor and were realistic in their expectations. It was a true partnership that has helped them get to where they are financially today.
Money isn’t meant to be loved. It is intended to be spent, shared, and used to help the less fortunate.
Back to the word “options”. That evening, it was reinforced why I joined HomeEquity Bank: people want to have options they can explore to fund the lifestyle they want to enjoy. All they need to do is have the conversation and permit themselves to look at all the options openly and transparently as a couple.
That evening, many clients spoke up and shared their financial decisions, challenges, and the options they chose that were right for them. There was no shame, embarrassment, or hesitation—just a frank, fact-finding, open dialogue.
Recognizing our progress in destigmatizing money conversations is important but remember that it’s ongoing. Encourage clients to keep the dialogue going and remain open to exploring all available options together.
Pattie Lovett-Reid
Chief Financial Commentator
HomeEquity Bank
